I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
