just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
