Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
