I wish I only lived at night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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