I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
