just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's rum buckets o'clock
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
