When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
