a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
