I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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