He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
