i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
