so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
