Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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