i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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