from now on my penis is your penis
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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