Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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