I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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