porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
