So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
