I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
