There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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