I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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