apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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