We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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