what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
