you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
