Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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