i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
