your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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