Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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