my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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