Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
