I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
