If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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