dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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