my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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