handjob tips. give me some.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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