Old men and throwing up are my life now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
