Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
