: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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