I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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