you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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