Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
