eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
