i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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