i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
