so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
