How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
