I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
