It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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