let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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