Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
