It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
