So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
