i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
