Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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