You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
