im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
