so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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