woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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