You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
