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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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