Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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