If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
