I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
