I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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