I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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