Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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