Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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