I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
