omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
