oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
