i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
