My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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