there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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