The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
