i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
