...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
